God is still good

Well, I have decided it is time to update everyone on our not-so-great news we received about two weeks ago. The birthmother has changed her mind. Unfortunately, that is all I know. I do not know why or when she decided this, but I do know that it was very last minute and not one person saw it coming.

In the process of adoption there are so many uncertainties, and this is just another one of them. I would have told you last month that I knew the possibility was there and that it was an option for her to change her mind, but the closer we came to the due date, the more my worries and fears went out the window. I let my guard down. In the aftermath of this news, I have moved to Charleston. Many of you knew that Michael is already down here with the Air Force, and I found that I really just needed to be with him. He is a rock. I am so blessed to have a husband who is so incredibly understanding and supportive.

I continue to count my blessings and find more and more to be thankful for each day. I was able to get an early start to my new job down here which means less time for me to sit around twiddling my thumbs, and more time for me to take a deep breath, hold up my  head, and get a fresh beginning.  Michael and I have had numerous"What now?" conversations lately. The next 18 years of our lives have suddenly become free. Quite frankly, we have no idea what is next and we have no idea what to do now. Maybe I'm beginning to be ok with that, or maybe I am beginning to realize I can handle more than I thought, but that doesn't scare me. To stick with my overly-used life metaphor, our journey has taken a sharp veer off course and we are forced to create our own path for a while.

Of course, I wouldn't say this is easy, and I would not say that this is what I prefer, but as I fight through my attempts not to be bitter and especially not to cringe when people ask "Do you have any kids?" or "When are you guys going to have a family?", but instead look at this birthmother and our situation with the love and grace with which God looks at me, I know that I am going to be ok. Without a doubt adoption is still something that Michael and I will look to again in the future. Maybe there is a lesson in all of this somewhere. Trust me, when I figure it out, you will be the first to know!

For now, I am focusing on staying optimistic and looking desperately for the silver lining. As I recently read, "Disappointments are God's way of saying, 'I've got something better'!" I trust in that. No matter what, God is still good.

Updates and more!

So I realized today that I have been a bit lax on my once a month posts. I know, I know! I can't even handle one post a month! So, consider February's entry a two-part catch-up.

Part I
A lot has been happening in mine and Michael's lives. I feel that God is really pushing us closer and closer to Him and teaching us what it means to have a humble heart and a full trust in His promises for us. I never really know where I will be one day to the next, but I have full confidence that my husband and my God will be by my side and that makes all the difference.

Part of this reliance comes from the financial worries that I have. We have been doing a t-shirt fundraiser in attempt to cut down some of the tremendous costs coming our way. T-shirts are super cute (by the way) and are only $10 if you are interested! We know that by no means will this completely cover our payments, but this will help :) This entire process has taught me that it is ok to ask for help when you need it, and that God provides some fantastic ways to show that he is in control. My family and my friends have been so incredibly supportive and I cannot thank everyone enough!

My sister, Jill, did an incredible thing for me the other weekend. She threw me a baby shower! For a long time I had really put the idea of ever having a baby shower out of my mind for one reason or another. This shower was everything I could have ever wanted and more. My family and friends showed up in true fashion and we had a really good time! Thanks again to everyone for the love and presents you had stored up for Landon.

Part II
This leads me to the latest miracle! Michael and I were so fortunate to be able to witness Landon's 4-D ultrasound (who knew that they don't do 3-D anymore?!). When I first saw him I was speechless. He is beautiful! I kept finding myself in this moment of pure joy for being able to see him and pure admiration for his birth mom. I kept looking at her during the appointment and thought to myself "Wow! How will I ever be able to show her how grateful I am?!"
Of course, by the time we were in the elevators heading to the parking lot, Michael had to point out the obvious that I was a little teary-eyed the entire time. It especially hit me when I saw Landon's smiling face (yes, he smiled!) and I couldn't help but think that it was because of all the love he felt in the room.


I have always known that our lives are journeys. Where we go, who we meet, what we do, is all up to us (and a little influence by God). There is no doubt in my mind that this is just another chapter in the journey of mine and Michael's life.  Our eyes are focused on our goal and we will not waver in trusting in the path ahead of us. Through all the stress and all the worry. God is good.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has given me!" --Phillipians 3:14

The Gift of a Child

As with every Christmas season, I am reminded of the ultimate gift that God has blessed us with--his son. We see the lights on trees, the big sales and shoppers, Santa on every corner and in every store, kids laughing, throwing open presents, and ripping off bows on Christmas morning.  It is so easy to be caught up in this simplicity. The sheer fact of being with family is enough to make for a great day, but that's not all that this day is about.

God has given us this precious gift of a son. This Son has been a comfort in my life in many seasons and circumstances that I cannot even begin to count. As Michael and I prepare our hearts and our home for the gift of another son, I continually pray that I can trust in God and his plans for our lives! He never promises that being a Christian is easy, but He does promise that it is worth it. The process of this adoption has helped me to grow so much in the past 6 months. I have learned to relinquish so much of the control that I strive for. I trust God in all aspects of my life--emotionally, spiritually, physically, and especially financially. As our expectations are increasing, my worries and anxieties are decreasing. I know that this is something that only God can handle, so I have turned it over to Him!
I find that I really cling to James 1:27, "Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles..." As we try to answer this calling in our lives, please continue to pray for us, the birth family, and of course our precious Landon Michael.

I recently read an article written by Steven Curtis Chapman. One quote in particular stood out to me: "In simple obedience to the One who gave His life so that we might live eternally, we should desire to abandon all we know for the unknown of giving our lives away for Him. Not just feeding the hungry, but entering into their hunger with them. Not just clothing them, but experiencing what it is like to want for basic necessities. Not just appeasing our conscience by writing a check, but by actually entering into their reality, a reality that needs to see Jesus."

This year, as we begin a new adventure, my heart's prayer is that my little family may begin to abandon the unknown and just give our lives to Him. We never know what is around the next corner, but I know that I have a faith which is stronger than seeing. God, help us to really hear you and obey.

Drum roll please.....

Well, we found out that our precious baby that we are going to adopt is a BABY BOY!! Of course Michael is very excited :) We have decided on the name Landon Michael!
We have been getting more prepared now that we have a name and know the gender. It all is seeming a bit more real! This weekend our nursery-to-be is going to be completely cleared out. Next step--painting!!
We are still so fortunate to be able to spend time with the birth mother and her family. It has been truly a blessing that we have gotten to know them and to be able to see all the ways that God moves in our lives and interconnects us with many other people. His plans truly are greater than any we could imagine for ourselves.
As we still have several months to go until we get to hold Landon (he is due in April), please pray for both Michael and myself as we prepare our home and that we trust in the Lord to financially and emotionally to support us. This has been such a stressful process and an emotional rollercoaster, but God is always good and is always reliable. He will get us through this. Please also continue to pray for Landon's birth mother. I can never ever thank her enough for this gift that she is giving us.  I pray that the Lord comforts her and holds her in His hands. I pray that she and her family be continually supported and surrounded by friends and family throughout this process.
Thank you to all of you who have been so amazing and supportive!

Updates, updates, and more updates!

Well, if it weren't for the peer pressure coming from close friends and family, I would wait a little while longer before I update this, but for the sake of needing prayers, I will submit to their pressure :)

Home Study updates:
Michael and I are almost finished! Thank goodness. We have our fire inspection on Monday, our DHEC inspection in a couple of weeks and then we are done! I cannot tell you how much of a weight off of our shoulders this will be.

Thames child update:
Well, this is where my hesitation comes in. Several weeks ago a good friend of mine (from my women's group at church) told me that she happened to meet a family who was in the process of looking for a home for a baby (to be born in April). Of course there is so much to this and God's timing can never be explained, but I will spare you all of that!
Anyways, after praying about it and talking to each other, Michael and I decided to contact this family. After exchanging emails and meeting, we all decided that this is truly what God has planned for us. We can never really understand the reasoning behind everything, but Michael and I have full confidence that our trust in the Lord has given us the opportunity to be parents to this precious baby. We are incredibly excited about this! However, as our lawyer has suggested, we are maintaining a "realistic optimism". We understand that there are many variables that may change from now until April (including the birth mother's decision). But, again, we are trusting in the plans God has for us.
This family we have met is incredible! They are so kind and though their hearts must be heavy over this situation, they see how excited Michael and I are and that makes them happy as well. I am very fortunate to also be able to go to her doctor's appointments, have copies of the ultrasounds, and even be there when we find out the baby's gender!

With all of this being said, please pray for us and for this family who is offering us such a selfless gift. Please also pray that financial worries and burdens may be lifted. We are planning on doing some fundraisers (including selling cute t-shirts!) to help remove some of the costs of this process.

We are so thankful for all of the support, encouragement, and prayers we have received so far! We love you guys!

And the name of the game is "Keep Waiting"

Well, there have not been many new and exciting updates lately. Basically, being in the "wait and watch" mode is pretty tough on me. I have been so thankful for all of the friends and family who have been supportive and encouraging. In fact, these are the same people who help remind me that I should be making this fun and not seeing it as a burden. After all, if I was really pregnant, I would have to wait 9 months anyway! Even though I have no "due date", I am going to do my best to prepare myself as if we are adopting tomorrow or next year! God is really trying to teach me to trust in His timing! 

Right now we are waiting on DHEC to come and check our well water. This is a LONG waiting list and can be up to a few months. But, until then we are expecting the fire marshall to come out in a week or two and then DSS to come and do their final walk-through. Nothing can be finalized until DHEC gets their show on the road. *Sigh* So, it looks like I am on hold until then.

To help pass the time, I have been attempting to find ways to prepare our child's room in a gender neutral and age neutral way. It is SO tough preparing for a child who could be a new born or a 10 year old! But I know that we won't have much time to decorate or prepare once we get the news (maybe just a week or two)! I have been scouring the internet for ideas and I have found a few good ones! Aside from furniture, here are some of the "themes" I am thinking of that could grow with our child.

Basically, I am sticking with light greens, yellows, and reds. I am pretty positive that I will paint the walls an "off-white" color. The room we are going to use is currently pink... I foresee lots of paint being needed. Furniture will have to come last once we have a more specific age in mind. Night stands and book shelves can be used at all ages, but the bed (of course) is the final piece.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, please throw them my way! I might be having a painting party soon :D

Watching the plan unfold...

     Well, after some coaxing by close friends and some family, Michael and I have decided to share some events that are happening in our life right now. As of today we have completed our training courses on adopting children out of foster care. We are planning on adopting a child (yes, a child--not necessarily a baby) or children (yes, plural) who are currently in foster care in our state. Just like with any adoption, the time line is a little unpredictable and will require a lot of prayer and patience on our part. I ask that you please pray for not only us as we prepare our hearts and our home, but also for the children who are currently in search of a "forever home". This desire for us goes back a long time. In fact, as far as we can both remember we have always had this tugging on our heart to adopt.  This blog will be my earnest attempt to keep everyone aware of updates in this incredible (and exhausting) journey.

    Though I can never see God's plan for mine and Michael's lives, we are clearly feeling His presence in our decision, and His comfort in this difficult process. I once read that adoptive parents may not necessarily feel the labor pains of a birth mother, but we feel our own type of labor pains of love as we endure the waiting and unknowing. I pray that this waiting is brief, but mostly, I know that this whole process is simply a labor of love for a child who deserves more.